Networking Nightmares…
Oh No! Here she comes! Quick! Duck into the Ladies Room!
Women at Work
Twice as fast and nearly half*
By Merci Miglino
Changing the world of business one woman at a time
We’ve all been the victim of overzealous, aggressive and down right annoying networkers. You know the ones. They can take a professional mixer from social pleasure to pure pain in 60 seconds or less! The next time you see one of these offenders be prepared! Armed with a few handy strategies you can move on and take deliberate steps to avoid making their mistakes.
Here are the top 5 Nightmare Networkers:
1. Push Pin Polly – Boy, is she ever focused. Within minutes you feel like you’ve been pinned to a museum exhibit like all those lovely dead butterflies. She uses a set speech, making little or no accommodation for your individual needs. She’ll tell you what she is selling is one of a kind, not like anything else and proceeds to list ALL the supporting data. And then tops that off with, “You would be crazy not to buy this!”
The Fix: The minute you experience that pinned to a wall feeling… like this woman or man is not interested in your needs or in the general concept of networking as an opportunity to ‘serve” others (and not always by getting them to buy your stuff) excuse yourself. Politely and firmly. This won’t be easy because Polly here has mastered the art of not breathing while talking.
You can be direct. “I hear how passionate you are about your service but I‘m not interested at this time.” But you may have to resort to a bit of acting with an urgent, “Oh I’m so sorry I must make a phone call I just remembered I left the (stove, iron, water) on at home!”
Is this you? Learn to read body language. If someone is uncomfortable, avoiding eye contact, stammering to avoid answering you – you may be guilty of push pinning. Take a breath. Remember people want to be acknowledged – to be seen, heard and understood.
2. Sally Stargazer – She is talking to you but her eyes are scanning the room for better prospects. She is nodding her head but you now she’d fail a pop quiz on what you were just saying. She is a Stargazer.
The fix: As with Ms. Polly don’t stand for this any longer than you need to! Every minute wasted here keeps you from making a ‘real’ connection with someone else. Find your voice. Call her on it if you want, “Can I help you locate someone?” Or simply excuse yourself and find someone who thinks you are the star of the room!
Is this you? Brush up on your people skills and open your mind to the possibility that every contact is a Star. Imagine this person is the star of the next few minutes, what can you learn from her? How can you help? How can your gifts meet her specific needs? Don’t worry, you can catch the bank president a little later.
3. One Word Wanda – No matter what open-ended questions you ask this person, you get a one-word answer. It becomes a game that soon sounds like an interrogation from Law and Order – a lousy one at that. You consider asking her why she came to this event if it seemed so torturous or if she is under the mistaken impression that you charge by the word.
The fix: Consider leaving some silence after her one word answer. This person may be shy, new to the crowd, alone or down right uncomfortable. By leaving some silence after her answer she has time to get past her anxiety and perhaps calm herself enough to recognize you are genuinely interested in her and her business.
Is this you? Practice the fine art of small talk! Use small talk to connect in a casual way. Start by being fully present and talking about what is right there in front of you —the weather, your client’s new car, your neighbor’s flowers, the pictures on the walls in the restaurant.
Beyond the weather, there are thousands of topics you can use to create that bridge. Keep it light, be aware, and have fun in your conversations, and before you know it, you’ll be one of those people described as someone who has “never met a stranger.”
4. Me Me Me Melanie – No matter what you say she makes it about her. Her business, clients, ad budget, family etc. You feel like you are talking to yourself and frankly you might as well be… it’d be more rewarding.
The fix: See 1. and 2. for exit strategies to deal with Melanie.
Is this you? Take a minute to self assess… are you getting the referrals you want? Do people follow up with you? Refer others? Seem excited to see you? If you want to improve your referral numbers, try on the old adage that networking is a giver’s game – the more you give, the more you get. The best way to learn how you can help others is to ask them directly. They’re likely to tell you exactly how you can support them.
5. One Night Nora – Forget about building relationships. Nora is the business equivalent of a one night stand –she’s all about getting business right now! Tonight! If she doesn’t make a sale, pick up a client or contract she considers the event a bust – and complains to everyone about it!
The fix: Throw her a curve! Invite her for coffee or lunch. Show her what building relationships is all about. If she turns you down, move on. Hey, you can only do so much.
Is this you? Feeling unsatisfied, unfulfilled? Endless networking got you longing for a better way? Maybe it’s time for a long term relationship. After all networking is about building relationships – lasting ones, ones that can bring you endless referrals –not just tonight but forever! People do business with people they like and trust and this takes time!
One of the most valuable things you can do is to connect people with each other. Be a business matchmaker. Consider which connections between members of your network would be mutually valuable. And set them up! Amazing things can happen. They will do some business, you will be admired and appreciated and, in turn, fuel you referral engine for even greater business opportunity!
So I want to know …what do you need in the next 30 days? Email me at merci@mercimiglino.com with your requests – be specific and detailed regarding what you want. I will see that your needs are addressed and hopefully fulfilled!
* Women-owned businesses increased by 20 percent from 1997 to 2002, according to the US Census Bureau – twice the growth rate for businesses as a whole. By 2008 we will represent nearly half the work force.
