Being ignored is as enjoyable as being spat in the face or cursed at. No one likes to feel insignificant. It’s one thing to be treated badly but another to be ignored completely.
The fact that we live and breathe means we exist and to have our existence denied, can be excrutiating for most of us. But do we ever question WHY this is the case? Why do we get so affected by those who do not give us the attention and approval we think we deserve? What is it about rejection that throws us off our game? How does a positive morning turn into a dreadful evening because of that WhatsApp reply we didn’t get or the email which went unread? How do we live with the fact that some people can live without us?
Perhaps if we took the time to ask ourselves all the right questions, we may start seeing rejection, disapproval, neglect or whatever we call it, the same way we see sand, it’s there, so what? Here are some questions we should ask ourselves the next time we start to pay attention to those who pay no attention to us:
1. Who is this person to me in the grand scheme of things?
2. How close are we really?
3. Do we communicate regularly? Do we even have to?
4. How much time have we spent together? Do we have a special bond?
5. Are we connected in more ways than one?
6. Is this person someone I would want at my wedding or the birth of my first child?
7. How important is this person’s opinion of me and why? How well do they even know me to begin with?
8. If they thought ill of me, would I be able live another day?
9. If they spoke badly of me, would it ruin my family, my health, my finances, my sanity…my life? Do they have that much power and influence over everyone and everything I know?
10. Do I miss them when they aren’t around? Do I even think of them unless I absolutely have to?
11. Can I live normally without them? Would I be able to wake up, go to work and sleep soundly if they weren’t part of my life?
12. Am I truly deserving of this person’s acceptance? Do I really want it? What would I do with it if I had it?
13. Have I hurt or harm them in any way? Do I owe them an apology?
14. Are my expectations of this person’s behaviour towards me realistic?
15. Is it my ego or my feelings that are hurt here?
16. Am I reading more into the situation than I should?
17. Is this person someone I’d expect to see at my 80th birthday celebration?
18. Do I see them as playing a big role in my career or having a huge impact on my success?
19. If I were in need of help, would I think of calling this person?
20. What am I really afraid of?
Write down your answers and revise them as much as you wish to till you get the ones closest the truth. At the end of the day, our need to feel important is our biggest weakness. If we can accept that we aren’t the center of the universe and that we can’t win them all, we will have more good days then bad. The more time we spend time on giving, the less we focus on what we ‘should’ receive. You can love yourself to the moon and back even if no one else does. You are enough with or without anyone’s approval. Keep the focus on loving yourself and stop focussing on who’s (not) loving you. Live and let go. The love you have in your life right now is more than you’ll ever need. Anything else is a bonus. Don’t seek love. Just keep giving it and all will be well.